This year has been one of transformation. I started out with a vision of what I wanted for myself and I listed all the things that would be negatively and positively affected if I made these changes. I also made a list of why “now” was the time it should be done. When I made the list at the first of the year, I didn’t have a clear idea of how I was going to get there. I didn’t even really have the motivation I needed to start making the changes. I just had a desire to be a better me.
I see people struggling in their own skin every day. I hear all the stories about why they couldn’t possibly do this or that. I didn’t want to remain that same kind of person. Over the past few years I have noticed that the more I take myself out of my comfort zone the more I succeed. Look at Cynnamon Charmed. I am sure that there will come a point in my life of no return. I don’t know when that time will come. But I do know that it will be a time when I have used and abused this body so much and have done so much damage of my own that there will be a point of no return. And if I allow that moment to come while I sit on my butt and do nothing I will live with nothing but pure regret. I am capable of just about anything at this moment. I am not saying that it isn’t a challenge. I am not saying it doesn’t hurt or bring up doubts on occasion. However, my 36 year old body is still at the top of its hill and now is the time to make the changes that I need to make to keep it healthier for longer. Sure I still have regret at even this age. What I regret is remembering what I was capable of 20 years ago and taking complete advantage of that. I wasted all of those years using and abusing a vessel that was supposed to be a sacred gift. For all that I have done to it, I deserved every ounce of the pain that 3 c-sections, postpartum cardiomyopathy, high blood pressure, and congestive heart failure dealt me. It should have really been my wake up call then. But I was young, and dumb and took for granted how fast the years fly by when you aren’t looking. And yet, this strong body completely healed and came back strong again. It’s not just about me. I have three kids. I have musical children, I have one that runs cross country, I have one in karate and in sparring. I have active kids. They deserve to have an active parent. I need to keep up with them. Feed them right for them to be strong and supported in their sports. They deserve parents that will run and fight right next to them. To show them how to be better and to instill a healthy lifestyle in them at this age so they have a good chance of not making the same mistakes I did. When it all comes down to it….what more motivation do you need? But the better me that I am talking about isn’t just about the physical, it’s the mental and emotional and spiritual too. See as we work on one of these things they all start aligning themselves up to be easily managed. I exercise for my body but it also allows me to leave all the bullshit of the day somewhere other than built up on my chest weighing me down. Every “you’re too old” or “your too fat” or smirk gets left in a pile of sweat as I use the anger and the hatred of all that initially hurt me to fuel my body even more. As I run through the parks and trails I get to feel the sun on my skin, hear nature and breathe the fresh air. It is grounding me and I look to my Gods when I need strength and will power to keep moving even when every muscle in my body is screaming to stop. So as we move into the Litha season, let’s think about all that we are nurturing this year. We have already decided to make big changes and now is the time that we put all that work in. Some results we may see immediately but others need nurturing a little longer and we will see them come to harvest soon. Don’t give up on what you have begun this year. Most importantly never give up on yourself. Make yourself a priority. You are the only one that will. You have to be great to yourself to be great for anyone else. Blessed Be!
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Keri Nichol
Founder, Artist, Herbalist, and Writer Archives
August 2018
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